We watched Spiderman 2 today. Watched it on the computer. I know it should make us feel bad. Bad because we watch it for free. Hubby downloaded the movie from the internet and presto, there it is. I cannot really say it is free. Nothing is free in this world. It is not really free considering that every month we still have to pay our broadband service (hubby has to pay anyway). For once I agree with others who claim that this movie is different from the first Spiderman movie. I find it to be very different, not only because the technology used is not imposed too much on us (if you can still remember the annoying little boxes and unrealistic movements they made us watched in the First movie) but also because the movie makes use of loads of human interest. Spiderman (the character) is made to be vulnerable like us -- the non-superheroes. I find many moments in the movie -- very touching and believable. Even that bit when Peter Parker is willing to sacrifice his right to love for fear of exposing MJ the risks and wrath of his enemies. In real life, we can't really say.. Does it really happen in life? Does one really sacrifice one's love so that other people will live a better life? You think so? I for one doesn't believe that people -- I mean today's society anyway -- are willing to sacrifice their love -- happiness -- for others. Apart of course for people who are pushed to the corner, to their limit, people who are abused physically/mentally (that's a different issue, more political I would say). We always grab the chance, when opportunity presents itself, we rarely (if ever) say NO. And when the matter concerned is the matter of heart, we become selfish, greedy. We try whatever tactics/strategies there are to win over the guy (girl) that we like. We are willing to do anything and everything, even play dirty, some say. A friend of mine once said to me, 'May the best woman win,' when she felt that I was 'competing' with her to get this guy that she really liked. We were young and stupid, anyway. That guy was really, seriously not worth fighting for. Blame it on the fact that both of us (the contenders) came from all girls school. You know how it was. Why is it that when we are in love, the outer life appears to stop revolving? Why is it that we seem to be blind and deaf to what others think of us or our partner? In some ocassions, we make others shed tears because of us, like other friends who are unhappy because we rob them off 'their potential life partner', parents who probably have their own plans; their own preference -- better looking, better salaried future son-in-law. It is ironic, because at the end of all this tears, broken hearts, turmoils, conflicts -- we realize that whom we fall in love with is not really who we want/hope for in reality (that explains the rising rate of divorce/separation). Sometimes we realize that we actually fall in love with the notion of love itself. And when that person (that we thought we are in love with doesn't meet our expectations) all hell break loose. My mom once said to me, You should not trust your husband 100% and that it is better for your husband to love you more.' Those who know my mom (my little sis, and hubby included) know that my mom is not a talkative person. So, when she says this -- I took it as 'wisdom' from the elder. More like a diamond since it came from a 'heavy mouth' person like my mom. I don't know whether she is alluding to her relationship with my dad but I have problem with not trusting your hubby 100%. Even the notion that let your hubby loves you more is difficult to reconcile with. Well, if trust doesn't form the foundation of a marriage, what is to become of the marriage after 10 years. The husband find another woman, the wife finds a replacement? Or do they start screaming at each other? Or worst still, stop talking to one another? Can we really live with a guy who loves us (us- wife, anyway) more than we love him? Does this mean, having a husband who pays for all the house bills, husband who worships the ground that move under his wife's precious feet, a husband who literally stifles the wife, anyway, because, MAN I have so much love for my wife...I know that the love is unquantifiable. Before I had Firdaus, I was worried that I couldn't love him as much as I love Arief because I thought that I only have one heart, I can only truly love few people-- I felt then that it's going to be difficult to love so many people -- to really care. Thought that it's enough to love my family (parents, siblings), hubby and Arief. It was after I had Firdaus that I realize that I have so much love to give, that at times my emotions would run wild -- this overflowing love is something that you can't control. Just like that morning, in 1998, when I was crossing the road at Ulu Klang, it suddenly dawned to me that if something happened to my hubby, I would go crazy. I would do something crazy to myself, anyway. That was when I realized that money is not that important (it is impartant but not most important). That having my hubby with me by my side -- for me to look at in the morning and at night -- is utterly important. More important than anything else in life that I was willing to leave the security blanket, leaving the city that I grew up with, leaving my close friends, familiiar territory. Making a huge leap, a sacrifice of having to start over -- all over again. Meeting new faces, getting used to the backwater place wih limited facilities, bearing the brunt of not having a driving licence (you don't need one if you are living in KL, anyway, why bother adding to the pollution, so I am telling myself). I still feel that way until today. Does that mean that I love my hubby more than he loves me, mom? Would I still fight for love in the future? Or do I sacrifice my love like Spiderman? I am not a superhero -- that's for sure and I don't need a superlove, what I need is just enough. Enough to make me smile everyday, enough to make me sane. Just enough.